Hello, again!

It’s always this first post after a long break that is hard to know where to even start.

It has been over a year since my last post. To say things have changed would be an understatement!

I am now pregnant with our FOURTH baby (due in October) and wow, how I’ve been pulled into growth in so many areas.

I am off social media, which strangely I haven’t missed a bit. And we don’t have a TV on the wall and our kids behave so much better without screens. However, I do use my laptop to show the kids shows more often these days! Life with a 3, 2, and 1 year old (plus a pregnancy) is pure chaos and I have learned to give myself grace in certain areas. (Speaking of–would it be helpful if I shared a list of wholesome shows/movies we allow the kids to watch?)

Other changes:

• We are now full time Latin Mass goers, a topic I had no idea was so controversial in the Catholic community until recently?! That’s a topic for another time. But this has drastically improved both mine & Tom’s faith, and we hope the faith of our children going forward. If you feel sorta empty after mass these days, but still go because it’s our obligation, you might be interested more in this discussion about how Traditional Latin Mass changed that feeling for me.

• I’ve quit working out 100%. No more morning workouts, no more stress around fitting it in, or how many steps I got in any given day. I let it all go. I’ve fully been “free” from exercise for over a month now which feels crazy to admit after over 10 years straight of fitness!

• I started homeschooling Sienna with the encouragement of a good friend, and the boys like to join in for (very, very) brief moments as well.

Peak into reality…

I said I’ve grown, and I wanted to briefly touch on something vulnerable for me to share, as I reintroduce myself here. Vulnerability is something I traditionally avoid at all costs, but my goal is to open up here in hopes of helping someone else who might be feeling the same way I have.

You see, this past year I realized just how much of my life I’ve spent trying to fit in, please others, be good enough, you get the point.

I got to the point of being so exhausted of trying– that I just decided to let it go. Well, it is a constant battle to let wounds and habits go, but I have at least committed to the journey to do so. Holding onto extra burdens hasn’t served me, so I may as well try another route, right?

Things I am moving on from include:

• Having the “perfect” body

• Saying yes to every invitation

• Wondering “but what will people think?”

• Holding onto of unhealthy or insecure relationships

• Revamping the thoughts I choose to allow in my head

• Stressing about what others are thinking about my kids’ behavior (especially in Mass)

Ohhhh the amount of time, stress, and tears I’ve spent (and still spend–it’s a constant journey) on unnecessarily caring about things I cannot control… The brain space it requires to worry about all of these things adds up to more than we probably realize. Time that should be spent soaking up the kids finally getting along (lol), instead spent deep into the depths of anxiety in my head wondering if “so & so doesn’t like me.” Why?!

Slowly but surely, things are improving. For the first time in my life, I am seeing real change. I wanted to share with you that there is hope in finding change in these areas–if I can, surely you can as well.

It isn’t easy, it takes some daily dedication, but the freedom that comes with it all is priceless. This is a big hurdle I am currently working to overcome, and if anyone else feels the same, we could do so together. Community is everything.

Lastly:

I wish I could say the reason I’ve been MIA for the past year is because of being busy with family, the house, the kids, normal life. But truthfully, a huge reason for the break was because of what I touched on above.

When I’m fully me, putting myself out there, it leads to my constant worrying about what others are saying or thinking, and this is something I have vowed to let go of. Why? Because how can we fully embrace who God made us to be, and live out our callings, if we are living in constant fear of the unknown and of others’ opinions? We can’t.

So here’s to stepping out of our comfort zones and being the people God created. Because, as Jennie Allen says, by being ourselves “we may scare off the wrong people sooner, but we’ll bring in the right people more quickly too.”

What I’d love to know:

Can you relate to any of this? I would love if you all could give me some guidance on how I can serve you here on this blog. What do you want to know more about? I am no expert, in anything really. But I have learned a lot through trial and error when it comes to body image, raising lots of toddlers at a time, exploring the Catholic faith and finding why I’m actually Catholic, attending Latin Mass, moving away from home and searching for a new community, equipping our children to live in this broken world, the beginnings of homeschooling (if you’re starting from square 1, so am I, and I would love to connect and share ideas.)

So please reach out to me! You can reach me in any of the dinosaur ways–via my Contact Me page or comment below! Looking forward to it.